I know it can't be stopped. I know it will come.

But why does it come with a bang?

What is that supposed to teach us? Especially to those that already know.

Two months ago, I lost my grandmother to her second round of cancer. She survived cancer about 10 years ago. But it came back once more. Out of nowhere. Like a rainstorm on a sunny day. I think she passed away way too soon. There was alot that she had to see from her grandchildren. Many accomplishments that she would have been proud to see. I prayed for her to at least survive this cancer for at least some years. It was inexplicable how this happened. She was just 71. I thought she was going to live to at least 90 like her mother did. They were both strong women.

But I still can't comprehend why she left so soon, without warning. Cancer spread like a tropical depression to a category 5 in a day. That fast.

All I know is that she loved me and was always proud of me.

That will keep me going.

But death always comes in groups.

There are some other people I know of that are dying of cancer, that don't deserve to be dying in the first place. Some that are going to leave kids behind to face the world without them.

I'll never understand why this happens.

Is this all the plan?

The plan we always hear about.

It always seems like the plan fails.

If death comes, come at a time where we had the time to enjoy life, go to college, get married, have kids, grandkids. Not when we are young. That's just foolish. Is this supposed to bring us closer together? I only think it tears us apart. The family, the friends. It only brings sadness and grief, and only thinking about them brings the sadness and grief back. Is this supposed to make us stronger? Weaker is the case. Losing the bond of a close one. It's the bond that makes us stronger.

But what am I to know?

You can't defeat mortal death at least.

There is always everlasting life you hear about.

But how can we know what life is if we haven't lived the full extent of it.

All I know now is that we have to love those close to us, family and friends. Appreciate them for what they are and what they have done for you.


I know I have been angry at some friends. But what happens if they're gone tomorrow? What happens then? No more conversations with them, hanging out. Fun, laughter. It would be sure be fun to enjoy the company of one another, all of the friends that I have. But it would need some cooperations on the other side, also. Then, if by some chance we lose these friends, the bonds we had would be strong, making us stronger, and there would be no regrets.

But I have to start at the homefront with this more importantly. Be a better son, brother, boyfriend. Because losing one of them for sure, I am nearly nothing.

But if do go to another place, a fight is what you will see...

Well, it has been a while since I have posted on my LiveJournal. Been about half a year. A lot has happened so far.

College:

I survived and currently have a 3.24 GPA, but with my luck I need a 3.25 to maintain a scholarship. Isn't that a bitch...
Probably the main reason why I haven't had time to post was because of college. It just took a lot of time .

Social Life:

It's good right now.

Work Life:

Don't have one.

Some cool times have been J.D.'s party. That was a fun time. Fuddruckers, billiards, and Gabriel's house. We had Niki's surprise party and that was also a blast. Cat's get together for her birthday was fun all in itself.

But man...

John Mayer.

That was a hell of a concert. I'm glad I went. Of course with our luck, it ends up raining over there as soon as we head on over to the Woodlands. Good thing I brought a tarp to sit down on or the concert would have been awful. We waited an hour at the south gate and then 15 minutes before the concert starts, the guy on the horse says that there will be only one entrance. Our first place in line was pretty much not standard anymore. Our tickets were wet, and the damn lady had some trouble scanning the tickets, so she had to pretty much enter the 16 numerical characters into her PDA.

Well once we finally get into the pavilion, we find a good spot to place our tarp down. It was about 2 to 3 feet away from these people with lawn chairs so we would be able to see. Well, we waited like another hour to hear the first guy start but before that even happened, this woman and I guess her son, grandson, or her lover just placed their mat right in front of us. Therefore, it made us move our tarp higher so we would be able to see. And the bitch said "Oh, thank you." And for those who haven't heard me cuss, here it is. I'm just staring at her thinking, "Thank you?" Bitch, we didn't move so you can have a spot. We moved so we wouldn't have to see your big ass head. I mean the nerve of that lady. And get this. The rain had already stopped. But when one drop of rain lands on her ga damn forehead, she opens up her big damn umbrella, totally blocking Nadia, JD, and Marissa's view. I mean she must have been some crazy bitch. JD then says, "Is it raining, Robert?". My reply, and mind you it was a LOUD reply, "No, it is not raining, JD, because if it was YOU WOULD NEED TO OPEN A DAMN UMBRELLA!" Damn, I didn't care. I mean how inconsiderate did you have to be. And did I care about the man she was with? Hell no. He looked liked some damn Jake Gyllenhaal. Totally could have whooped his butt.

And get this, 2 more people sat down in front of us again. But these people actually asked if they could sit there. They even brought lawn chairs later, but they asked us if we could see, which we could. Man, I was lying down on the tarp and some huge big ass couple come walking around the front of the tarp, and being inconsiderate, did not care that they were sloshing around mud everywhere, and sure enough got mud on my hat, jacket and on my face. Freaking waddling around like penguins they were. I mean, shit, man. They looked like they were going to create a sinkhole once that sat down.

But hey, there were some nice people. Since the fatties were sloshing around, they got mud on the tarp. The mud, therefore, was seeping down the tarp about to crash onto our boom booms, but luckily, this guy behind us saw it and moved the tarp where it didn't crash onto our boom booms. I appreciate that man. But I guess he felt bad and heard me talk all of my smack.

Brett Dennen: Didn't know who he was or what the hell he was playing.

Ben Folds: Had heard of Ben Folds Five, but now just Ben Folds, and he was some talented and funny guy.

John Mayer: Awesome, especially after playing 3x5 for an encore. While standing in line we heard John Mayer doing his sound check. He started to play My Stupid Mouth and then like 5 seconds into it he says, "See, I'm bored already." But he started to play that song over and over until it sounded right. Once he finished the song, JD and I yell out, "3x5!" And I bet if it wasn't for us, 3x5 wouldn't have been played, especially since My Stupid Mouth wasn't even played.

I'm looking forward to Fiesta in the future.

My Xbox 360 broke. What a sad day it was...

But I can now cancel my live account and start concentrating on other beneficiary things.

16 more days 'til my birthday. And what do I want...

Nothing...

Rewind six years ago.

I was 13 years old, still a naïve young boy and a hopeless romantic. Hopeless in many ways because of the obvious physical reasons back then. However, I had visions on how romance was supposed to be like.

I loved participating in student council. I was able to go to Austin during my 7th and 8th grade years to go to the Student Council convention. The officers along with 2 of the top point earners went and stayed at the Renaissance hotel. This hotel was a 6 star hotel, 6, and it sure as hell lived to its rating. I remember driving up there in 8th grade just listening to music and such. As we arrive, we would find our respective rooms and get settled. We would change clothes from casual to dressy like for dinner. Then we would go around Austin trying to find a nice place to eat. While driving around, all I saw were the lights lighting up this amazing city. These lights put me in sort of an ambient mood I guess. I was familiar with these surroundings, it felt, and all I could think was that I wished I had someone to share it with. The place we ate at was called Busters Rocket something. It gave a fun mood. The lights inside made it feel like you ere going to outer space. It was just weird that all I thought about was having someone there to share it with.

We would then drive back and I would look at the lights of Austin. We would then arrive back to the hotel and have a good night's rest. The convention started mainly ni the morning and we would go to our programs. finally it was time to go home and as we left the Austin city limits, I put on my music and looked at the stars and wondered what my purpose was in life.

Was I ever going to have that someone to share the night life, regardless if it was Austin or San Antonio or San Francisco or whatever?

I thought about all of this while I was in junior high. I was actually stressed out about this. Day and night sort of stuff.

Main reason why I am writing this is because of Ventura Highway and Someone to Call My Lover. The guitar part is like the same. It just puts me back in mood I once had back in Austin.

As I was looking at pictures of the hotel where I will be staying in Colorado, it put me in that mood again. The lights of the hotel. The ambient feeling of the hotel lobbies and the dining areas.

Ironically, I have somebody.

She is not going though to Colorado.

So once again, I do not have that someone to share the night life.

I'll prolly be alone once more, but...

...it's all good.